My little brother has been on a house hunt lately.  He should could just start paying us rent since he spends about 75% of his time at our house, but for some reason, he wants to eventually grow up and have his own place to, well, basically just sleep.  And drink.  Because in the long run, he hopes my mom or me will continue to cook, clean and do laundry for him.  Anyway, the house hunt has meant that we are all on the look-out for new real estate listings or auctions.  We've been through a few houses, but nothing seems "just right" yet.  Last week, we went through a house that was scheduled to auction today.  Jake decided it was "just right"...if the price was "just right."  He talked to the bank, planned out what he would have to do to the place if he bought it, and figured up his maximum bid.  This wasn't just any old bachelor's pad.  This was a five bedroom, three bath house with two workshops/buildings, a pond and two acres of land.  I was sure he was going to need my support at the auction.
I remember going to a few auctions as a kid, but my memories just consist of drinking hot chocolate and exploring the place with the auctioneer's kids while the adults did their thing.  So, I was pretty excited about this new adventure as an adult.  And I was even more excited to decorate my brother's new house  that my brother might be the owner of his own place at twelve noon.
I helped mentally prepare by reviewing the sale bill the night before and making a list of the items I wanted to bid on.  Then I went into a slight panic realizing that I had never actually bid on anything before.  (ebay doesn't count, people.) I was just envisioning all of those comedy skits where the guy scratching his eyebrow accidentally buys Abraham Lincoln's stovepipe hat for millions, or the episode of The Cosby Show where Cliff Huxtable loses his will power and gets in a bidding war with his own wife and pays way too much for a piece of artwork.  So, I made a plan with Jacob that I would tell him everything I wanted, along with my top bid, and he could bid on it for me, but then give them my buyer's number.  It was settled.  I was excited again.
Then I woke up this morning and it was 22 degrees outside.  And forecast to just get colder throughout the day.  So, I showered and dressed in layers.  I don't mean cute snow bunny layers (wait, I guess snow bunnies wear the opposite of layers, right?), so...I guess I don't mean cute layers like I could pose for the cover of the Patagonia catalog.  I mean, two pairs of socks--one of which were thick, wool, mens' hunting socks, leggings, then jeans, then a tank top, a long sleeved shirt, a short sleeved shirt, a hoodie, my husband's Wick outerwear overalls, and my big puffy Gap down coat, followed up with my Muck Chore boots, a scarf, gloves, and a stocking hat.  As I mentioned, the Wick outwear was my husband's and since they were made for a man, they were quite slim in the hips.  Everything else about them fit fine, but it was a squeeze through the hips.    So much so that I couldn't tell that I had my seatbelt on when I got to the auction and tried to get out while still strapped in.  These layers also meant that there was no way I was going to be able to pee until I got home and stripped down.  Those childhood memories of auction hot chocolate were laid to rest.
I was just about ready to run (somewhat like a gingerbread man might run) out of the house and pick up my brother when I realized I probably shouldn't bring my whole purse to this event.  But what does a woman bring to an auction?  Especially when she can't carry a purse?  That's when I found a large Velcro pocket on the front of the mens' bib overalls I was wearing.  Somewhat of a murse, I guess.  But there was no way all the contents of my purse were going to fit in there.  So, I narrowed it down to: a checkbook (a must, especially because everyone around here actually prefers a check to a debit card); some cash; my ID, and an ink pen (Cliff suggested this so I could write down bids live--this did not happen).  I forgot: CHAPSTICK.  But I survived.
I stopped by and got Jacob and we headed to the auction site.  Cliff met us there, but had to leave early for court.  Everyone was gathered around a long table full of items.  Everything was selling quick!  The first item that was held up that caught my interest was an antique Nabisco Saltine crackers tin.  I tapped Cliff and he bid.  We got it.  FOR TWO DOLLARS!  This was fun!  A few minutes later, I saw Cliff bid again, but I had been daydreaming and had no idea what he was buying.  He got it.  Then I saw it.  A huge box chock full of coasters and trivets.  I have no idea why we bid on it, but at least my white elephant gift is taken care of for this Christmas.  And the whole box was only ONE DOLLAR!  Not long after that, something the auctioneer said caught my attention again and I leaned in toward the table to see what he was selling.  I slightly bumped Cliff when I did this and he thought it was my sign for him to bid.  He threw his hand up and we ended up with two antique burlap feed sacks.  That sale was completely accidental, but they actually are really neat and they only cost us THREE DOLLARS!
Then it hit high noon and it was time for the real estate to sell.  Everyone cleared out of the way and my brother took center stage.  Then a cute young girl moved up to the front edge of the crowd.  The auctioneer started chanting and the GIRL bid!  Jake bid.  She bid.  Jake bid.  She bid.  Jake bid.  She bid.  Jake thought for a long time and bid again.  The girl thought for a long time and bid again.  Jake thought for a long time and bid again.  He was at the top of what he wanted to spend.  The auctioneer stopped chanting, said they were going to take a two minute break and come back.  My heart was already racing and I was about to pass out.  Nothing like making it more suspenseful.  The crew came back and asked the girl if she wanted to up her bid.  She went up $500.  Jake thought for what seemed like an eternity, then bid again.  The girl thought for what seemed like even longer, and then upped it another $500.  Jake thought again, and then shook his head no.   The girl got it.  I was so heartbroken for him.  But later, we learned of some major water damage, flooding and sewer problems, so I think it was all a blessing in the end.
Cliff left for court.  The auction moved inside.  I bought a chest of drawers for FIVE DOLLARS!  And I bid on it MYSELF!  We moved upstairs and I bought an antique mahogany library table in excellent condition for  THIRTY DOLLARS!  And I bid on it MYSELF!  I was loving this!  I couldn't wait to bid on the items Cliff wanted.  An hour later, Cliff texted and said if I was cold I should go home and not wait for the items he wanted.   I responded that I was staying and he would need to bring a truck when he came back.
We moved to the workshops to bid on Cliff's stuff.  I was ready.  But then, I realized the auctioning of shop goods--tools, machines, motors, and the like, was like Black Friday shopping for some women.  These men were ruthless once we were in their domain.  They pushed me out of the way, stood in front of me, and acted as though I shouldn't be there.  And most of them weren't even bidding on anything!  Sadly, I ended up missing out on the couple of things Cliff wanted.
Auctions like this are one of those great small town things.  I'm addicted.  I can't wait to start scoping out sale bills.  (Like I'll have time for that!)
And just for the record: I spent five hours in the frigid outdoors and never got cold.