I don't want to take away from Cliff's sweet offer to guest blog about the wedding, so with little introduction, here it is:
Tying the knot.
Observations from a guest blogger.
Hello all. As you may
have already heard, Jennifer and I became husband and wife on June 1st. In no particular order (either importance, chronological,
or otherwise) are some observations of the evening:
·
First of all, man did Jennifer mess up! I can’t believe she actually married me. After she agreed initially to the idea, I
kept trying to move the date up. I was
sweating up until the completion of the vows.
Even during the ceremony when Reverend Howell paused (I’m sure longer
than usual but shorter than his conscience should have dictated) during the
ceremony for any objections, I thought “surely she is going to come to her
senses.” But she
never did, and I am so thankful she didn’t!
It can’t be easy living with a child (or his coonhounds). She
is honestly the most caring, sincere person that I know. As long as I can keep her away from Louis
Mendoza, I am going to stay the happiest guy around!
·
Cowboy Bart and His Imaginary Band performed an
evening of music, which was enjoyed by all. Bart really dressed for the occasion
in his overalls and necktie.
·
We were all glad to see Uncle Steve-O attend the
wedding. I never did get a picture with
him, however he did leave a bombshell in our powder room.
·
All in attendance witnessed my law school friend
Craig Emig attempt to back-up his father’s camper. Anytime one is having difficulty backing a
trailer it seems there are several experts around. Advice is given, irrelevant if advice was
solicited. After several failed
attempts, Jennifer called our Famed Huntsville Fire Department Chief, who got
everything squared away (those dents may buff out, Craig).
·
Many guests were not in attendance, although
they had been invited. I guess Jennifer
should have listened to me about sending wedding stationary certified. One guest had a pass though, as Bobby Hayward
was jailed earlier that evening due to a skirmish outside McTag’s Bar &
Grill.
·
My dear Great Aunt Lu and Jenn’s dear Aunt Vicki
had a stern disagreement. Emotions ran
high and the tension built in the kitchen leading up to the Wedding Dinner. Luckily, pugilistic advances were avoided and
a great meal was served.
·
During the ceremony, going to very few weddings,
and following no rehearsal, I promptly grabbed Jenn’s hand during the
walking-up-part of the ceremony. This
may have embarrassed the bride. Almost
as much as the ring bearers (my brother George and her brother Jacob) standing
on the incorrect side of their respective station.
·
Our good friend Reverend Earl Howell performed
the ceremony. He did an awesome job,
although he didn’t get much cooperation from the crowd. For example, Jim Grotewiel was not sure
Jennifer was his to give away. …
·
Another good friend and fellow local attorney
Robert Wheeler was in attendance of the wedding dinner and party, and he
communicated that he saw a rainbow on his way to the event. He explained that this was a very auspicious
sign. It also rained briefly, but only
for about five minutes during the ceremony.
So I guess the good omen/bad omen score was even. Doug
Jaeqcues said the over/under on the marriage was 5, but I’m not a stat guy.
·
All who know good horseshoe gamesmanship
witnessed Papa Warner Gordon beat all at the historical Johnson Horseshoe Pit,
est. 1973. Needless to say, he came
through on several guarantees.
·
Neighbor Lucas Galland stopped by and drank lots
of wedding beer with the groom and ring-bearers, but he came the night
before. He did not make it to the
wedding.
·
The Kenny Chesney award (lamest of the party—this
award excludes Shane Grotewiel as he is the Kenny Chesney Award Winner Emeritus),
was very close at this event, with two of the bride’s immediate family leading
the race. Jacob was by far the first to
pass out for the evening; however he gets a pass (however slight) for getting
intoxicated that morning and having a hangover during the wedding. The bride’s sister, Ashley actually won this
one going away. She had an “illness” and
left early but was later found at the local tavern. She is still on the prayer list at church.
·
Emily Thornburg had a romantic ride home in a
full size van. It was rumored she had
to throw in for gas, as his tank was on empty.
Clint just had enough money for a couple quarts of transmission
fluid.
·
Pete Berry had a nice campout at the Vacation
Lodge (George’s giant tent). He had a
nice tumble later, but he never did go on the disabled list.
·
The party lasted until 6:00 a.m. Unfortunately, Jennifer and I could not stay
out that late. We were constantly
harassed about “consummating” our marriage until I gave in. According to our guests, we must have been wed
under some archaic feudal dark-age law in which consummation is of utmost
importance. I don’t know much Latin, and
the chanting got old, so I just agreed. I woke up with glow necklaces around my
neck.
·
Jennifer had a lovely wedding dress. I didn’t even know Goodwill had such a large
selection (I kid, I kid). But I asked her
if she wanted to change out of it on at least one occasion. She refused and by the end of the night it
was extremely muddy. Unless Doug is
right, she won’t need it again anyway.
·
We were forced to have a dollar dance. I had one person buy a dance with me. Jaime Emig (she was from out of town and had
never witnessed my wrath on the dance floor).
By the way, isn’t it rude to ask for a refund?
·
Our local sawmill gang showed up. Ferg and Gump both graced us with their presence. Both had passed out at various times in the
night.
·
We even had some uninvited guests in the form of
deputy sheriffs. I never got to thank
them for securing our gravel road.
·
Gillis and Marilyn Leonard (Gillis being another
local attorney and dear friend) made it out to our party. We enjoyed and appreciated all of our guests. I
would say more, however Jennifer posted on his column in a previous blog.
·
Chris Shoemaker, if you are reading this, I
would like to inform you that you left your Boone Hospital whiskey drinking
jug.
·
My first cousin (once removed) Luke Thornburg,
ate approximately twenty pumpkin pies. These were very cute small personalized
baked items, but his gluttonous actions were admired by all that he met.
·
This isn’t a news blog, but Chris Weimer has
changed his first name to Catfish. I don’t
know if he is planning on becoming a baseball player, an extra on one of those
movies that would cast him, tax evasion, or if he just needed a new beginning,
but I commend bold actions. Please tell
his roommates.
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